end of a test

Wanted to write the final episode of our "nasty bug". But... before i could really have a free & quiet moment to sit down and scribble it, I am packed with my 'hay-wired' routine again.

It was me attacked by the nasty bug right after HY's recovery. I guess it was unavoidable since I was the sole caretaker during her illness. I went through all her miserable fight against the stomach flu virus; I had fluid diet for 2 days in a row and caused me dizziness badly until now. I had to stay away from little Bomber, and I had to pray that I will not lost the supply of breast milk as i was almost dehydrated.

Moments like these will definitely wake the evil devil and shouted at me to stop breastfeeding. Sleep deprived, weight losing(terribly), I would... but the minute little Bomber latched on to me, and sucked contentedly, I can see that i am probably the biggest happiness to her.

Meanwhile, little HY is back to her usual self. Chatty, active and slowly increase her appetite to gain back her weight. "Bully" her grandma (my MIL) occationally for skipping the medicine, for demanding more tv hours, for reading more story books, for being as wild as she wants to.

Anyway, we are glad that we have passed the test, and little Bomber ain't affected too much.

we are tested, once again

hy is ill again. fever, serious constipation, cough, thought she was getting better but i think the virus transformed and somehow she vomits whatever she ate or drank. even medicine or plain water.

SC called a minute ago, her blood test result confirmed her having viral infection and needed to be admitted to KK hospital for treatment. i can hear her cried badly far from the phone and understand that she wants mummy.

the typical mummy's guilt came and visit me again. she has not been this ill for quite some time back. i feel very bad this time as i am not longer able to focus on her. i have to attend to baby xy fully and rely on SC to console her. honestly a big applause to daddy: for taking time off to babysit her 3 days in a row.

the girls and i will be in hell without him.

it is 3am, and i miss my chatter thumbelina anxiously.

chapter 3: my beam of joy

I recall fondly, that she slept excessively

as if she was still in her warm, dark environment

i had to re-learn about breastfeeding and sleepy baby

i had to wake her up for nursing

it got more difficult, milk built up and i got extremely engorged

soon she began to self wake for hunger

soon she learnt about mama's scent

it is pride

to be able to nurse her exclusively

to be able to console her when she is cranky
it is joy
to see her latch on and suck well

to see her contented and fall asleep in my arms

it is love

to coo and cuddle her

to see her eyes shine at me

credits: Fei-Fei's; Deca Designs.

i recall fondly, that this was her peak of her baby fat

she was just 2 months old