We started the year with Little Bomber attending 2 hours playgroup daily. It took me a ride of roller coaster with her and her temperament. No, more of walking in the landmine, explosive and threatening for the rest of her life, or mine. Thanks to Jennifer, I managed to think of a solution and overcome her resistant to new routine. She has been least headache since then, except for her explosive behavior occasionally.
That said, I have bigger headache to deal with: mothering the older child who's been yelling and wanting to run away from homework. She is P2, and it is getting tougher with higher expectation from the school. Recently, she is required to attend remedial class after school once a week. Obviously she is being remarked as weak, particularly in Mathematics. We are grateful that the teacher is willing to put extra time and effort on her.
A tiny part of me frown with that, if you must know. Being P1 or P2 myself, I was good, not smart or great, but good and loved to crack my head to understand what teacher taught and solved the equation. She, however, doesn't like thinking. "Don't know" and "Don't understand" often utter out from her mouth immediately. But I already taught her and she did the simple equation right yesterday! She doesn't see learning and overcome a difficulty is fun to do. Every night, SC and I take turns to coach her, but it seems more like have fighting show of jungle beasts at home. I often wonder what and how will she turn to in few years time, judging from her current temperament and attitude. I worry.
Interestingly, work place is becoming more complicated place to work in. Some human being are tough to convince and some are smart to twist boss' words to make it more convincing. Somehow, both are trying not to take up more tasks, in my opinion. Those fall out of the above categories, like me, take a longer time to mitigate problem and complete task. Still, conflicts occurred. This takes me longer time to repair my self after work, cause it has the unavoidable impact of not liking to deal with the world another minute.
Slowly, I skip making time to word my thought, to unpeel the emotion and call it a day as soon as I'm done with the above, and dish-washing and housekeeping. The fighting, is a great force for me to stick my head into running water, just to ease myself and get ready to switch off my mind. I doze off soon after the girls are tucked in. I lost the momentum to write. The thought of closing this space popped up several time. The most convincing part of not writing any more is, I'm not good at it.
But that thought dampen my spirit. No blogging means that I lost the power to turn my struggles to words and unpeel the layers of emotion to see the source of things. I will lose a way to boost my self with positive energies. I will lose friends too, especially from SMB, a community where I find my self instantly fit in the land to talk about struggles and joy as a mother. Love the humors and kindness of them. No blogging somehow leads to no reminder, no laugh, no craziness or whatsoever during the day when I am frustrated.
It will be lonely journey and i will move on with less fortitude.
Admittedly, this post is here to rescue me.
